an open letter to cool moms

I'm more than a little irritated.  

In a really good-natured way of course. This summer the girl child attended every Vacation Bible School in town.  I wanted her to "experience a fun summer."  I wanted me to "experience a break."  We are both really loving our experiences.

What I did NOT know was that all the churches would be doing the same curriculum.  She has heard about "facing fears and trusting God" every day this summer.  She's the first to pipe up that anyone with an issue just needs to face their fears and trust God...Sheesh.

She is right though.  We serve a big God and we need to trust Him.  I love that she is learning so much at Vacation Bible School and trying to apply it to daily life.  She is not what I'm irritated at.  It's all the cool moms I see when I drop her off.

Now you're probably thinking I'm just being jealous and small.  Totally.  But I am also just confused.  

How do you have kids and not look like a hot mess?  Why do you look like you're coming off a magazine page but I look like I just emerged from a FEMA tent?  And so, I would like to hear from some of you "cool moms."  You know who you are.

1. You are the ones whose hair looks cute right now.  I look like a troll doll.  You think I'm kidding.  After visiting me for a week, my sister sent me a heartwarming text: Hey.  I caught Bozo hair at your house.

In an effort to prove her wrong, which is one of my life-goals, I decided to take a selfie right this second.

Hmmm...She may have a point.

2.You still know the location of your make-up.  Well, I guess I do too.  It's everywhere all at once because my monkey little boy scaled the vanity and has scattered it asunder.  Thank you, man-child, for taking an intense interest in Mommy's things.

3. You have been to a mall since your kids came along for actual shopping, not just so they can ride the merry-go-round and eat fries at the food court.

4. You wear clothing that could be described as "current" and "clean" and not "covered in someone else's chewed up food."  I may or may not be in the same clothes each day, and it may or may not also be what I slept in.

5. Your leg hair is under control.

6. I have seen skinny jeans but you actually have some.  And they are probably neon because these days it's apparently awesome to wear really tight, bright pants.  I'm clearly no fashion expert, but in the midst of an obesity epidemic, we might could have gone a different direction with that.

7. Your baby weight was gone in like 3 minutes. I didn't even birth mine and I gained 20 pounds.  It was awesome how, when I was picking up my infant son from the hospital, the nurses kept talking about how I just gave birth.  I wanted to point to my "baby bump" and tell them that it was a direct result of cheddar cheese, not a tiny human.

8. Your kids have both shoes on.   My boy child is chronically without his right shoe.  Maybe his right foot is smaller?  Maybe it's claustrophobic?  What that foot needs to do is face it's fears and trust God.

The only thing I can figure is, what I'm seeing are a lot of nannys.  That's why they look like they came out of a magazine. They are just dropping off someone else's kids with whom they only spend a few hours a day.  Then they are able to head to the spa and Nordstroms.

Yes.  That definitely makes me feel less lame.

I had no idea that so many kids in my town had nannys!  Behind every two shoe wearing, beautifully-nannied child there must be a frizzy-haired, PJ-wearing mom such as myself, right?  Right.

I know you're not going to admit to being a cool mom.  That's simply not cool.  So instead I will ask, who is the coolest mom you know?  How does she manage it?  Do you think she might be an undercover nanny?