Beauty School Drop Out

A noteworthy fact about the boy child: he has super hero hair growing ability.  It’s as if every time I turn around he whispers, “Go Go Gadget Hair” and more shoots out.

He has required 4 haircuts in his 18 months.  He has the hair of a movie star.

Excuse me, he had the hair of a movie star.  He now has the hair of a child cursed with a cheap mother.

I cut the girl child’s hair because it is a straight line (I’m amazing at the straight line) and I shave the husband’s head.  Other than that, I can’t cut hair.  I absolutely can’t.

But it doesn't mean I won’t try.

I like to save a few bucks where I can.  I have been cutting the other family member’s hair for years so I reasoned (incorrectly) that I could tame the flowing mane of the one year old.

It was past time for a haircut.  A strange mullet was emerging.  The party was no longer confined to the back if you know what I mean.  The business in the front was also doing its fair share of celebrating.

The main issue: his head is already in the 98th percentile so he can’t ALSO have huge hair.  His poor little neck already has so much to balance.

Having just completed breakfast, he was content.  I set him up in front of the computer to watch the music video with which he is obsessed, Setting up the Pins*, because that never fails to make him happy.

*Easily half of the views of that video on Youtube are from our house.  The kids want to watch it at least once a day.  In the video, one of the kids climbs onto the kitchen counter so the girl child has been trying to scale all things kitchen ever since...  Thank you, Sara Groves. 

I had devised an air tight haircut plan, and yet, utter chaos ensued.

He still had remnants of breakfast on his face and when he started to wail, his nose started running.  These two factors gave the flying hair several landing pads.  So they landed.  And stuck.  On the facial area.

So, logically, he rubbed his face because it itched which only served to more evenly layer the egg, snot, hair "beauty mask."

He objected loudly and with impressive endurance.

Poor little guy.  I should really pay a professional to do this.  It was not only unpleasant, it was less than safe.  At one point, one of us (I’d rather not say which one of us) got slightly knicked behind the ear.  The other one of us (who is a nurse) determined that it was not life threatening.  Then, as a result of taking a break to butter someone’s toast, the scissors shot out of my greasy hands and narrowly missed the husband who was standing clear across the kitchen.

Nothing caught fire though so it was not a complete disaster.  I don't know how fire would have been introduced to the situation but some scenes are so out there anything could happen.  This was one such scene.

I’m still on the fence about whether or not I will try that again in a few months.  I might take some online “courses” from YouTube.

Do you participate in recreational hair cutting?  How did you learn?  Does anyone have tricks to make the little ones sit still?  Or to stunt the growing speed of super-human hair follicles?