Chicken Pot Pie and a Stabbing

Initially I was intrigued by the name, Once a Month Mom, because I thought it would tell me how to cut my 'mom-ing' down to every 4 weeks.  It doesn't.  I still 'mom' on a daily basis.  I kinda feel like it's false advertising but I've forgiven them. What it is, however, is a way to cook once a month with menus they give which use seasonal produce.  You cook hard-core for one day and fill the freezer up with awesome food that you can pull out at a moment's notice for the rest of the month.  They find tasty recipes, make your shopping list, and even give you step by step directions for your big cooking day.  They offer menus for all different dietary needs and, in the coming weeks, they are making changes which will allow for mixing and matching across recipes.  It's super awesome.

Just tonight I served up chicken pot pie for impromptu guests and they were all impressed.  What they don't know is that I cooked that business last week.  Today, I just laid around in my PJs.  Whoop.

And you don't need to buy an extra freezer, people.  I use my small-ish freezer and it works just fine.  In order to create some freezer room, however, we had to eat cheese pizza and won-tons for breakfast.  That part was not awesome.  Why did I buy so many won-tons?

Month #1 was unfortunate.   Our air conditioner broke AND we shopped, chopped and cooked on the same day.  I later read on the website that this is strongly discouraged.  I know why now.  You will want to lay down and die on your kitchen floor rather than face what lies ahead. The hubs and I cooked for ELEVEN air-conditioner-free hours. So much body odor, people.  By the end of it we hated each other, we hated food, we certainly hated the lovely ladies at once a month mom. But...not having to cook for the next 29 days ruled. So we tried it again.

Month #2 was more successful in many ways.  I shopped one day, chopped the second day, and cooked the third day.  MUCH nicer. Turns out they know what they're talking about.

But sometimes even good things go awry...  

Sometimes you lose your ever-loving-mind because you have to put the same song on repeat for 3 hours so your child will leave you alone long enough to cook.


Sometimes you turn around for a second and said child puts his foot in what are going to be his blueberry pancakes.

Sometimes the hubs sharpens the knives and when you're distracted because you're talking on the phone, you almost cut your thumb clean off (because DANG those knives are cutting better than they used to!) but it's kinda awesome because you score a little kid-free time while the Doctor makes all the bleeding stop. I do have a picture, and yes I'm sparing you. You are welcome.

Then later, you sometimes light your eye on fire when you rub it with your jalapeno-cutting hand which gives you the rare opportunity to do some one-eyed cooking.

Please don't think this happens to every once-a-month-mom-er. I've told you before I'm clumsy.  If I can do it with only minor injuries, you can do it with complete success.  If you decide to give it a try, mention that I sent you. Nothing special will happen, but I will feel like a rock star.

In conclusion, will someone rich please hire me a personal chef before I accidentally kill myself or someone I love?  Don't make a one-thumbed, one-eyed housewife beg.  Or you non-rich readers can organize a 5k to raise money for my chef.  Whatever it takes.  Something must be done.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is a disaster in the kitchen.  What mishaps have you had?