That Time I Was On Bedrest

You people who have been pregnant... And a "doctor" put you on "bedrest"...

I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm just saying it sounds a little too good to be true. Having never been pregnant, I didn't have this golden opportunity at a stay-cay but I was forced into it this week.

On a side note, another pregnancy perk I used to periodically give my barren self was parking in the "expecting mothers" parking space that some stores have.  I wasn't preggo but I was waiting for kids.  For 6 years.  I totally still think infertility deserves rock star parking on the hard days.

So, last week several people were talking about Nerd Fitness.  I thought it seemed like a good fit.  If you don’t think I’m a nerd yet, you’re not paying attention.  While I don’t get all the video game references and the whole Cosplay situation, I enjoy the concept of the website so I decided to try the free beginners workout.  That’s when I, like my terrible red car, broke.  Four year vacations from exercise are apparently not advisable.

Is it the Nerd Fitness dude's fault?  Um, no.  It was only a couple jumping jacks and some squats.  He said to warm up, so I did.  He said to stretch at the end, so I tried.  But any time I am still for more than 4 seconds this happens:

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All the slapping of my back fat was not very "zen" so I gave up.  And that’s why I’m broken. Whenever diapers don’t need to be changed and little mouths aren’t hassling me for a snack (which is about every seven minutes), I am on the couch.

It is very rare for me to sit down.  In fact, on my first day of being broken, the kids couldn’t even find me.  I was in the middle of the living room but they kept looking in my usual haunts: the kitchen and the laundry room.

They eventually found me in plain sight.  Darn it.  Then something crazy happened: Couch time ended up being The. Best. Ever!  The kids tugged, drooled, and wallered into their desired place.  Which was on top of me.  We read books, watched Super Why, and practiced our sound effects.

My stinking friend Lorie taught my daughter that she liked having her arm tickled so I also did a TON of that.  You owe me hours of my life back, Lorie.I will accept payment in Starbucks gift cards. 

So, in my effort to get a little better at momming each day, I am attempting couch time first thing in the morning and last thing before bed.  All electronics are off and we just see what happens.  It is through an act of sheer willpower that I stop accomplishing for long enough to sit down.  But it has been revolutionary.  Turns out, sitting around can be super fun.  I really didn't know that until recently.

Thanks Nerd Fitness for making me into a better mom!  I'm hopping back on the workout train just as soon as the feeling comes back into my legs.